It's been rough.


I don’t even know where to begin. Every time I think nothing else can go wrong or every time I think I’m starting to get a handle on things, something else gets added on top of it. As if the universe wants to test me. “How much can Carmelisa handle? Oh, you surpassed that challenge? Let me give you another” Seriously? WTF. I’m actually surprised that I haven’t gone insane because when I step back and think about it - I’ve been handling things relatively well. Keyword, relatively. There’s just so much a girl can or wants to handle, you know? Or at least give me these challenges one at a time rather than all at once? Capiche?

Shall I list the things that are going on even though I’m scared that whoever may be reading this will think I’m a wuss and judge that these are just minor, insignificant problems? That’s why we keep things to ourselves, right? No one else would understand. “Get some backbone and deal with it,”  I imagine everyone else saying. But whatever - I’ll list them anyways because thankfully, it looks like it all boils down to four main things:

  1. I quit my day job. 
    Yup, you read right. I’m still there now but I only have a few weeks left and I don’t exactly have anything lined up quite yet. I don’t want to get into the dirty details but in short, I wasn’t happy and tbh, do I really need another reason? It just sucks because unlike the last time I was unemployed, I actually have a car payment, a higher car insurance, my rent is doubling (I’ll get into that later) & I am no longer under my parent’s health insurance. And If you know me, I despise monthly bills so seeing that my expenses have dramatically increased just gives me a bit of anxiety and actually makes me mad at myself for allowing this to happen. “Lisa, you know better than this!” I mean, I know I’ll be fine. I do pretty damn good work so I have no doubt I’ll find something else. I’m just annoyed that I have to go through this process again and while I’m dealing with other things like problem number two, which is…
  2. My roommate/cousin is moving out.
    Aside from the fact that my rent will be doubling if I don’t find a new roommate, this one just makes me sad. My Kuya Punky was the perfect roommate! Always washed his dishes (even though, I was so bad at it - sorry!), cooked/bought his own food (and sometimes shared), kept to himself, always paid his bills on-time, knew how to fix the internet or any electronics whenever it would mess up, was down to hike or travel if I planned something and I also enjoyed talking to Ate Liz (his girlfriend) whenever she was around. Of course, I’m happy that he’s finally accomplishing something that’s been on his list for years (buying a house) but at the same time, the selfish me just wants him to stay and be that perfect roommate until I also want to buy myself. And if that wasn’t sad enough, let me get to number three.
  3. My best friend & business partner is stepping back from MLC to follow a different path.
    This one is fresh. I literally got the news yesterday and though it hurts like hell, I can’t even get mad because I just get it; this is one of the reasons why I’m leaving my current job in the first place. I don’t know about you but I have a very difficult time working on anything I’m not 100% passionate about and that’s why Marie and I got along so well - she’s the same way. What does this mean for MLC moving forward? I’m still figuring that part out but in the meantime, the show must go on. 
  4. I still have work to do. 
    I think the worst part about dealing with all of these things at the same time is that life isn’t pausing for me to figure it out. Items are being added to my to-do list faster than I can cross them off and I can’t even tell you how frustrated that makes me. And as much as it helps to write this all down, I’m being reminded that I still have a lot to do - and I don’t have much time to do it. Yosemite is still happening next weekend. I still need to pay rent by this Sunday. The food in the fridge expired last week and I still haven’t thrown it out. I need to finish that training document before I leave my job (whenever that is). And if I don’t do laundry by tomorrow, I’m going to be out of underwear. Does anyone else go through this type of shit? 

Let me make it clear though - I’m okay. Really. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel bad for me. God, that’s the last thing I want. If anything, I want to be able to look back at this blog post months from now (because I know I’ll get out of this hole soon) and feel proud that even though life threw a bunch of shit at me, I still managed to overcome it. I also want to put out there that even though one’s life may look like lilies and daisies through social media; in reality, it could actually be a total shit show. In the meantime, I’ll take it one day at a time and keep ya’ll posted on whatever happens next. Hopefully, it'll be on a more positive note. 

xo, C